No Chicken Feet, This Woman Is Crazy

I was on the way to meet ****, who I met online, for a lunch date.  As I was pumping gas into my car, I looked down at my shirt and noticed a tiny little whole just below the V in the v-neck.  It looked totally tacky.  I had already changed my clothes 5 times, and settled on an outfit I was less than happy with because I wanted to wear a black shirt in case I got a sweaty back or armpits.  Come on, it's August in Arizona and I was way nervous, better to be safe than sorry.  I also noticed tons of blond hair all over my shirt.  My dad had just recently told me that I needed to stop shedding if I ever wanted guys to ask me out on dates, so I got totally self conscience about that too.  I thought to myself, that it was so small he probably wouldn't notice it, but than I realized that he would because he is a man and it was on my chest.  I have learned, no matter how decent a man is, he ALWAYS looks at your chest.  I'm gonna go as far as to say, it's a fact. 

I really wanted to run into a store and and grab a new shirt, but I knew I just didn't have the time.  To make matters worse, I noticed that 2 of my newly painted finger nails were all messed up and I had missed a spot on my knee while shaving.  I was a walking disaster.  After a year, I still really suck at dating. 
There was only one thing that was allowing me to keep it together and not give up hope.  There was going to be no pressure on this date.  That's right, NO PRESSURE!

Prior to the planning of this date, while **** and I were getting to know each other via email and text, it some how came out that I had a blog and what it generally was about.  One night he asked if he could read it.  This is another one of my rules, I don't want guys I am dating or might date reading my blog.  It makes it complicated. I almost always have to take a break from blogging, until that relationship is over.  But once again, how many of my own rules do I break?  I really should stop making rules, they do me no good. 

For whatever reason, I agreed to give him my blog address.  Over the next day or so, he would randomly send me a text, mentioning something in my blog.  From what I could gather, at least he thought I was funny. He did say I was an excellent blogger, which totally made my night.   Then I get a text that says - No matter what happens, I think we would be friends for sure.  not quite sure if I am as open as you though.    OK , so here's the problem that I am NOW having... I mean right NOW as I type this out!  I remember the text message saying something else, and right NOW when I went to copy it down, I realized I had thought it said something else.  At the time, I kept thinking that the text message said, You are way too open for me, but I would still like to be friends.

People!  Do you see the difference?  That would have changed everything!!! The way I acted, what I was wearing, how much cleavage I would have shown....   I am NOW banging my head against the wall (literally) because, I totally made a comment at the end of the date that referred to that text.  NO WONDER HE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS CRAZY!!!!!

I'm so flustered about this realization, that I  can't even concentrate and finish typing to blog.  I think this is truly a sign that I should give up dating forever, or just stop talking and pretend to be a mute.... some men like that, right?

After a quick shot of liquid courage, for us LDS folk, that comes in the form Dr. Pepper, I am ready to carry on, even though, much less focused.

Needless to say, after what I THOUGHT the text said, I was shocked when he suggested meeting for Chinese food.  I really thought it was a blow off comment, but alrighty, that just made it less pressure.

I arrived at the restaurant he picked out.  He stepped outside the door and guess what the man was wearing.  I don't even have to tell my loyal blog readers, but for newbies or  band wagoners (either way, you are all welcomed here to mock me and be entertained...)  I will tell you.  A red shirt and thongs!  I thought to myself, I know he didn't wear that red shirt just for me...and dang he looks cute!  His pictures online did not do him justice.  I could tell from his pictures that he was a good looking dude, but he was even better in person. Wahoo!  But then again... what did this matter, I was already under the impression that I was just friend material to him.

Lunch went good... I think.  We had plenty yo talk about.  I was still nervous the whole time, and he commented that he could tell I was nervous.  Damn, I really suck at the part.  He seemed totally relaxed the whole time.  We had Dim Sum, which was interesting, because I had always ordered off a menu before.  I had no idea what we picked, except we both said no to the chicken feet.  One waitress said, "I know what you like.  You like BBQ pork and egg roll, I can tell." and then she laughed at us.   I think she was making fun of us.

During the 3 hours that we sat there talking, I couldn't stop staring at his eyes.  Not to sound old fashioned, but I would seriously describe them as dreamy.  I mentioned to him, not that they were dreamy, sheeesh, but that I liked them.  That's when he said something about my tank top and my eyes.  OH CRAP!  That must mean that he noticed the whole in my shirt.  I told him when, I noticed it, and that I didn't have time to change it.  I told him what I had thought, about hoping he wouldn't notice it, but then realizing, he is a man and of course he would look at my chest.... that's what men do.  I think he laughed, or smiled, I don't remember.  Half an hour later, he said, "I still don't see the hole."  See!  That's what men do.

I always manage to make an ass out of myself and say something dumb, or stick my foot in my mouth.  As we were walking out, I handed him a stick of gum.  He said, "My breath must really stink."  And like a dork, I responded, "I don't know, I wasn't going to try to kiss you."  What?   Who says that?   Why would I say that?  Really, I should just be mute on dates.  And to make it worse, as he walked me to the car, I thanked him for lunch and said , "You made it easy by taking the pressure off when you said that I was way too open for you but you still  would like to be friends."
And as I mentioned before, he got this look on his face, which at the time, I thought he was thinking something completely different, but now, I know was thinking,
"This woman is crazy!"