Dating Was So Much Easier In High School

Way back when I was in high school, I would either date a guy until I got bored of him, or until he cheated on me.   They were all short relationships, frankly, I don't think any of them lasted more than 2 or 3 months.  When they ended, I wouldn't take long to move on to my next crush.

That was then.

I got married less than 2 years after I graduated high school.  In that in between time, I only had relationships with 3 guys.

The first one was Mike. 

He would totally make me laugh at church dances, with his moves.  I thought he was joking around, and then I found out he was serious about his moves.  He really thought he was a good dancer, but honestly if I tried to describe his moves, well these guys come to mind. 

We didn't date very long at all, probably, like my previous relationships,

only about 2 months or so.

Second was Brian.  I thought he was "the one".  We never discussed it,

but, I just KNEW we were going to get married.  I started dating him

pretty soon after he returned from his mission.  We dated on and off for about 4 months.  Well, I was always "on", it was him who couldn't make up his mind.  But I was patient and waited.   Like I said, I just knew we would end up together.  Then, he got accepted to BYU.  So, in my mind, I was going to move up to Utah, move in with some family, so we could be together while he went to school.  He had different plans, cause he broke up with me months before he was even suppose to leave,  I was devastated.  I thought my world was going to end.

4 days later, the man that I ended up with for the next 13/14 years, asked me out for our first date.

Fast forward to now...

Since my divorce, I have had

-1 NCMO ( Non Committal Make Out)

-2 First Dates Only

and

-1 Boyfriend of 3 months

A bunch of my friends referred to my boyfriend as, The Chad.  I think it was my friend, Sarah, who started it, and it caught on.  Even my kids started calling him that.  My phone would ring, (poor guy, I set his ring tone to Sexy And I Know It, by LMFAO) and my kids would yell "It's The Chad!"  and start giggling like crazy.

I met him online, we emailed for about a week, and then one night he mentioned that he would like to take me out sometime. I gave him my number and then we started talking on the phone.  We talked for about a week before we went on our first date, (which is a whole other story or blog entry in it's self.)  We both had a mind set, that we just wanted to meet someone to date, and have fun with, NOT to have an actual relationship.  But, it didn't happen that way.  In the beginning, I had opportunities to date other people, but I only wanted to spend time with him.  We lived over an hour away from each other, and gas is stinking expensive, but to spend time with him, was well worth the sacrifice. 

I loved spending time with him.  I loved spending time with his kids.  I loved when we would get together with all 7 of our kids.  We would have so much fun, all 9 of us.  I  never knew that I wanted a big family... but those were some of my favorite moments with him...bobbing for apples, watching the kids play at the park, going out to eat and getting tons of nosey people staring at us and asking random dumb questions, and playing keep-away in the front yard.  

And I loved kissing him.  Let me take a second to daydream about that .... ... ... ...... and I'm back.  Even 3 months in, one of the last times I kissed him, my heart started racing and I got butterflies in my stomach.  I loved to just melt in his arms and have him hold me.

So you are probably wanting to know why it ended, with so much that was right, what went wrong.  Well, here's where dating (grown up dating) gets complicated, when it boiled down to it, we just had different goals.  Different directions that we wanted to to take our lives in.  Because of those different end goals, I knew that we would probably not end up getting married later on down the line.  Unless, that is, if one of us was willing to change, and we are both set in our ways.  It is not fair to be in a relationship where someone is hoping the other will change.  It was so hard for me to accept this.  I fought it for a long time, telling myself that we could make it work.   But I had to be honest and realise that our goals were just to different.  I have never broken off a relationship with someone that I stilled adored.  It broke my heart.  But I knew that I would only get more attached if I didn't.

It's only been a few days, since I broke it off.  And yes, I am sad, but I have been through much worse heartache over the past 2 years.  I will be fine and move on.  And I promise to continue to share my experiences along the way.

The Chad and Me

The First Kiss....

I was so nervous for my first kiss.  We had talked about where it would happen, when it would happen and what would happen.  I daydreamed about every little detail.  What time of day it would be, what I would be wearing, what his cologne would smell like.... even what kind of gum I would be chewing.  I dreamed about him wrapping his arms around me, pulling me in to make me feel safe, his lips touching mine, and how I would just melt, and my knees would buckle and he would have to hold me up.

Funny.... this is just as true now as it was when I got my first kiss at age 12.

Imagine waving lines appearing as we head into flashback mode....

He was my "boyfriend", but at age 12... all that really means is.... ummmm... I still don't know.  He had been trying to get me to kiss him for awhile, but, I was so stinking nervous.  From what I knew... he had already kissed at least one girl, so he had "experience"!   Plus, this guy was 8 days older then me!  (Seriously folks... at age 12.... how much experience can one guy have?)  I was worried that I wouldn't be good at kissing.  I tried kissing my hand, but my hand couldn't tell me if I was doing something wrong.  I kissed the guys on my New Kids On The Block poster, all but Danny, that is, and it didn't seem to complain, but still, this was a BIG deal.

Finally, he made a deal with me.  He played baseball.  He said that if he won the next game, I had to kiss him.  I agreed.  My dad took me to watch his game.  He pitched that night, and yes, his team won.  After the game, I went over to give him a hug (soooo wasn't gonna kiss him in front of my dad), but just as I went to reach out to him, my dad's arm swooped over my shoulder and we were walking away, towards the car.  I do believe that is the ONLY time my dad ever walked with his arm around me.

The next day we planned on meeting at the high school, which was in the middle of our houses.  We rode bikes and met each other in the middle of the quad.  I was wearing a new outfit from Wet Seal, (totally in at the time.)  We parked our bikes and smiled at each other.  I sat down on a bench next to him.  He leaned into me, and kissed my lips.  I just kinda... put my lips there and made a smooch sound.  That was soooooo not the kind of kiss he had in mind!  "Open your mouth!" he said.  I just started laughing... I just couldn't do it.  The thought of his tongue in my mouth, horrified me! 

The next series of events go down as the worst kiss EVER... but the BEST first kiss story ever.

He grabbed my face, and began to lick it from top to bottom, the whole time telling me that he wasn't going to stop, until I opened my mouth.  As if I wasn't grossed out enough before... just the thought of it now...*GAG*!!!!!!   This lasted for what seemed like hours, but was actually more like 30 seconds... still that is a long time to lick someones face! (again.... gagging, literally!)  Then when I couldn't take it anymore, I gave up and opened my mouth.  He jammed his tongue in, and .... I bit down as hard as I could!   That's right! It hurt him pretty bad, awwwww, too bad, sooo sad!   But then I did feel bad, so after a his tongue stopped pulsing..I gave it a try.    He stuck his tongue back in (brave guy), and we had a few minutes of tongue swirling action.  VERY SLOPPY!

When it was over, I rode my bike home.  I went and looked in the mirror to see if I looked different... I was so scared my mom would be able to look at me and KNOW that I kissed a boy.  But she didn't.


My first post-divorce kiss, was nothing like that, THANK HEAVENS!  It was AMAZING.  Everything that I dreamed it would be!  And that's all I'm gonna say about that!

Now This Guy Had Smooth Moves... Ummmmm NO!

For about 2 months or so, there  has been this guy, *Tom, sending me e-mails, maybe once every other week or so.  I have tried to be polite and respond , but the honest truth is I have ZERO interest in this guy.  Here is the #1 reason why,- in his profile picture, it shows he is a firefighter.  HELLO!    RED FLAG!   So, finally I responded to his e-mail and told him that basically I am not very fond of firefighters, because my ex was the typical stereotype, and I was burned bad.

He responds back with -"What is the stereo type, Pioneer or Sony?"
Me - " Well, he ain't no "pioneer" if you know what I mean."
Tom- "No, I don't know what you mean."

And then I left it alone, thinking that it was understood that I wasn't interested.
Ummmm, no... I guess it wasn't, because, towards the end of last week, I got another e-mail from him saying that he was going to be in my part of town the coming up week. (Oh yeah, he lives like 7 hours away.)  He wanted to know if I wanted to go on a date.
I didn't. 
1- I refuse to ever get involved with another firefighter.
2-I know nothing about him.
3- His pictures on linkup, didn't really show what he looks like.  That may sound shallow.... but it's honest!

So , of course you can guess how I responded, right?  NO! WRONG!
I said, "I'm game."  
(WHAT THE HELL!  What is wrong with me? )
Then I said - "Since I know nothing about you, it has to be during the day, in public, with a lot of other people around.  I don't want the next days headlines in the newspaper to read 'WOMAN FOUND DEAD IN DESERT AFTER MEETING GUY FROM ONLINE'.

He then proceeds to tell me that he just had surgery on his ankle and can't walk or put any pressure on it.  So maybe we could go to the movies. 

THE MOVIES?  REALLY?

I gave him my phone number so he could call me.  He did the next day.  He asked what movie I wanted to see, and he named some kid movie, I said no, thinking he was kidding.  Then he asked if I wanted to see The Smurfs.   (Is this guy for real?)  I politely said no.  Then he suggested Planet Of the Apes.   I agreed.  He suggested that we meet at the theater at 10:45 and said I would know who he was because he would be the guy on crutches.

I showed up at the theater at 10:40, and went to go stand out front.  It was only 108 degrees.  (Yes, I did say ONLY, hahaha.) 
Since he couldn't put any pressure on his ankle and drive, I kept watch for a car to pull up to the curb and drop him off.  It had to be senior citizen day at the movies, because, I watched car after car pull up to the curb and someone would slowly start to get out of the car, I would see a cane emerge and think that it would be him.. But, car after car, it was just little old ladies getting dropped off by their old man.

At 11:00 I realized that I probably got stood up.  (And I was kind of OK with that.)  Then a few minutes later, I got a text message from him.  He said he was on his way and that he was slow with only one leg.

I waited for another 17 minutes before he finally arrived.  When I had talked to him on the phone, I thought to myself that he sounded old and redneck-ish.  And yep, he looked old and redneck-ish. And he had a  Holk Hogan style mustache.

But I was friendly and smiled and introduced myself.  As he hobbled over to the window to the buy the movie tickets, I noticed, he had TONS of butt sweat!  EWWWWWW GROSSSS! I tried really hard not to look in that general direction anymore.  I tried to remind myself that this is Arizona.... but I was still grossed out.                                                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                      

      Then we went in and he hobbled over to the concession stand, and pulled out 2 refillable movie theater cups out of his backpack.  I hope I don't need to explain to you why that was weird... cause it just was.

Then we went into the theater and watched the movie.  Mostly we were silent, except one comment that he made....  Let me remind you, we were watching a SciFi movie, where Apes talk and take over the world...   So, there's this part in the movie, where they take the ape to the redwoods so he can climb trees, and *Tom says, "That tree is too smooth, there's no way he would be able to climb up it."                REALLY TOM?  Really?   

When the movie was over, we rinsed out his cups and I put them back into his backpack for him.

He then asked if I wanted to get lunch, I told him we could, but that I had to leave in 50 minutes to pick up my kids.  FYI, this was not new information to him.  I had already told him what time I had to pick up my kids the day before.  Something then occurred to me.... How was he getting home?  So I asked.  He said "Could you give me a ride home?"    Ummmm, Hello McFly... when did you plan on mentioning this to me... is what I wanted to say.  But instead I asked him where it was I would be taking him.  When he told me the address, well there was just no way I would make it to pick up my kids on time.  I told him that wouldn't work.  He said he would call someone and that we could go eat.  So he climbed in my car, he wanted to sit in the back, but the car seat was in the way, haha! 

We went to http://www.heidisbrooklyndeli.com/, and had really yummy sandwich's.  For the most part, lunch went by smooth, except one thing... we were sitting in a booth across from one another, and he propped his casted foot up next to me in the booth.  I was trapped by his foot!

By the time lunch was over, no one had gotten back to him about picking him up, and so, I dropped him off... at his grandpa's house.

And that my friends, will be the last time you read about sweaty butt Tom.



Glutton For Punishment!

What the hell is wrong with me?  Didn't I just say, that I was never going to another LDS mid-singles dance?

So, I was sitting at home last night by myself, my ex had the kids, and I was bored to death.  I started going stir crazy.  I promised myself that I would never sit at home, on a night my kids are gone.  But, seriously, I had nothing to do, and no one to do anything with.  The thought entered my mind, "Just go to the dance... what's the worst thing that could happen... if it's bad, you can turn around and go home."

So, at 9:45, I threw on some clothes, touched up my make-up and headed out the door.  I got in my car, and started driving down the road, shaking my head at myself as I drove. (That seems to be happening a lot lately!)

An hour later, I pulled into the parking lot.  The parking lot was packed.  I got really excited.  I just knew this was going to be a good one.  I thought to myself... "I am going in. I am going to make friends.  They are going to invite me to go out for pie at Denny's afterward.  I hate pie, but I will go and have fun!"

I walked in, some punk kid was at the door, taking money... well kind of, he just stared at me.  Now, looking back, I know what he was thinking, "Hey sexy lady, you are way too young to be hanging out here, let's bust this joint and go to McDonalds for a happymeal."

I walked into the cultural hall, and glanced around.  HOLY CRAP!  I didn't see anyone there who looked under 50!  The average age had to be 60 plus!  Cotton heads, everywhere! 

THIS IS MY DATING POOL?!!!!  You have got to be kidding me!  Where are all the single LDS men in my age range hiding?  Come out, come out, where ever you are!   I am horny and waiting... oops, did I just say that out loud.  Pretend I didn't just say that!

The scene before my eyes, was nothing short of scary!  It was like the scene in Dirty Dancing, where Baby walks into the room, carrying a watermelon.   Only, it was 70 year olds recreating the dancing parts!

I think I made the same face! 


OK, OK, it wasn't really that bad..... but....


it was crazy awkward!

I took deep breath, and walked through the room, hoping to recognize someone.  Maybe just, maybe, someone I chat with on-line will be there.  As I walked by two older ladies, I heard one whisper to the other, "Poor thing, she must be new on the scene, her boobs are still so perky!"  OK, I didn't really witness that, but in my mind it happened!

I headed into the restroom, this seems to be my "go to" place to calm my nerves and talk myself into things.  I looked in the mirror, yep, still cute... and walked back out.  I walked back through the cultural hall and right out the door and got back in my car.  Guess my little pep talk didn't work.

I sat in the car for 15 minutes, trying to decide what to do, and then, I drove home.  The worse part of it all, at midnight, I went to the drive-thru at Taco Bell and ordered a burrito supreme!

Connect Four ... Not So Hot!

I was counting down the days.  I thought I was going to be so excited to be "free".  D day came.  I went to court, the judge said, "You are now divorced."  I felt a shock wave go through my body, and then I went numb.  I felt tears start to well up in my eyes, but I stopped before they fell.

And then, life went on.

I will not sit at home on the weekend and cry because I am not on a date. (At least that's what I keep telling myself.)  So I decided to go to a church dance for singles from the age of 31-45.  I invited another single lady to go with me, there is NO WAY that I would be able to do this alone.  Then I sent out an e-mail to one of the men that I met online that lives somewhat near me.

I had been emailing *Corey, for about 2 weeks or so.  He contacted me first and his first e-mail totally cracked me up.  It started out like this

Not sure why I am sending you a message yet. You are apparently loud, rambunctious, course mouthed and I wouldn't doubt you being a little unrestrained as well.

Wow... and he could tell all that from my profile.  But yeah... that's me.  So of course I responded to him.  After a few e-mails, I was really starting to be able to tell that he was a genuine nice guy.  Especially, after he called me "young lady", which almost put me off.... almost.

He had mentioned that he hated dancing and going to church dances... I knew this was a shot in the dark, but I asked if he would meet me there anyway.
I was so excited when he said he would go.  He even asked if he could take me out to dinner first.  I explained that I was going with another woman, but I looked forward to meeting him there.

Then I found out that the woman who was going to carpool with me, well, she is 54.  Let me just say... from her pictures, she looks smoking hot!  I hope to look that good when I'm 54.  (I will definitely need that boob job!) 

I started to panic.  I had already made up my mind that I was going to go, there was no changing it now. I was just going to have to do this alone. 

When Saturday came, I turned into a nervous wreck.  I changed my outfit 5 times. Every time I did, I took a picture and sent it to my girlfriend, who would then tell me yes or no.  I swear, it took me over 4 hours to get ready.  I was scared to eat, I didn't want stinky breath, and I was scared not to eat, cause I didn't want stinky breath. 
Finally, I was dressed and ready to go.  I dropped my kiddos off at my friend's house, I looked at her and said "I'm gonna puke."  Of course, she laughed at me, gave me a pep talk and sent me on my way.  My heart raced the whole time I was driving.  It was about a 40 minute drive, but oh hell, it felt like 10 hours.

I had told Corey that I would be there just after 9:00, and I would have been, if I had the right directions.  I don't know what I did wrong, but my directions took me 8 miles or so the wrong way. Knowing me, even if I had the correct directions, I would have still got lost.  I felt terrible.  Here I asked this guy who hates dances to meet me at one, and I was almost an hour late.  Thankfully, I had my own personal navigation system, named Jen, (and she babysits too!)

When I got there and walked in, I could hear that a slow song just started.  I walked past the door to the cultural hall, and I saw Corey walking over to ask someone to dance.  I ran quickly ran to down the hall, to the other side of the building to head to the restroom.  As I rushed past two ladies sitting on the floor, one yelled, "Nice heels!"  Yeah... I did have some killer red pumps on, and they looked pretty freaking hot if I do say so myself.

In the restroom, heart racing, I looked in the mirror and gave myself a pep talk. "You can do this!  You can do this!"  I walked back out, and back to the other side. I passed the "game room".  I peeked in.  Inside, was a handful of men playing Connect Four.  Something is very wrong with this picture!  There was a whole butt load of single woman, out dancing on the floor, and here these men were playing Connect Four!  These are probably the men that still live at home with their mom and their moms push them out the door yelling "Get to that dance and find a woman to marry so I can be a grandma already!", all the while they are crying, "But Mom, I wanna live with you!" 

A guy friend  warned me before hand.  He said , "Don't go!  Don't do it. Do NOT go to a singles dance!  You will want to jump off a building by the time you leave."  I was starting to understand.  I took a deep breath, swallowed my fear, and walked into the cultural hall.  I saw Corey sitting on the stage by himself. I walked over to him and he smiled.  He greeted me with a hug.  HUGE relief, he was even better looking in person then he was in his pictures.

We sat and talked, most of the dance and I was totally OK with that.  When a slow song came on, he asked me to dance. Then when it was over, we went back to the stage and talked some more.  Before hand, we had both agreed that it was totally OK for the other person to dance with other people, but, neither of us did.    He became my security blanket.  If I had actually gone alone and not met him there, I would have left after 5 minutes. 

 I scanned the mini crowd several different times, checking to see if there was anyone who peeked my interest.  I can honestly say that there was no one that I would consider my 'type.'  And in case you don't remember me saying before... I don't really have a 'type'.  So you gotta know the situation is pretty bleak when I can even find someone that fits that!

Corey was really nice.  I think that we both felt that we could be "friends".  And actually, I think he could be kinda perfect for my sister when she comes home from her mission.  That is, if she doesn't mind the age difference.
When we left the dance, Corey had to lead me to the freeway so that I wouldn't get lost... of course.

What I learned...
-I will not meet my future husband at a LDS mid-singles dance.
-Even so, a mid-singles dance is another safe place to meet up with someone I met online.
-A navigation system would be a good investment!
-I am not missing anything, if I stay at home and don't attend another mid-singles dance... EVER!

Sunday Night... Cougar Night

I have no clue it is about Sunday nights... but I have learned, that is where the young, over eager, single male, to put it nicely.... no wait... this is MY blog, I'm gonna say what I am thinking.  Let me try this again...   If you would like to meet a  horny, young male in his early 20's, who will tell you that you are "way hot" and don't care if you are 10 years older... try on-line dating on a Sunday night.  Now... this is NOT what I am looking for, but apparently, they are looking for me... or at least someone they think might be desperate enough to fall for their trap, by flashing those over bleached pearly whites.  I have previously fallen into a few traps.... (remember, I am here to be honest and let you laugh at my mistakes, not be judged)., but I am getting wise to their wiley ways.  Sneaky little critters, I'm on to you! 
The thing that boggles my mind the most is... where do they think they are going with this?  Even if they get to their end goal, which I believe, ultimately, is to get you to send them a topless picture, (don't worry, I have NOT been tricked into this... I ain't sending out topless photo's, (until I get some work done that is, watch your e-mails, I have a settlement coming!) I have had 3 kids.... I do not look like a Victoria Secret model, even though I pay good money for their bras!  These guys would be much better off logging on to some other site, (if ya know what I mean!) if they wanna see "perfect fake" boobs.

Actually, the funny thing is, none of the young ones have ever actually asked for a boob shot... only 1 guy has out right come out and asked for it... that was Campbell!  You remember, the hot 43 year old. 
*Side note* I saw my cousin from Utah 2 weeks ago, she told me she has seen him somewhere before and that he was jerk.  I told her that I figured that out.


I guess there is one thing I should mention...Monday morning, 9:15, it is final.  I am done. (and I don't mean blogging... that's when it should finally get good!)

I Met Him At The Grocery Store...

My friend, Cece lives on the other side of the valley.  That is... the same side of the valley where apparently, all of the single LDS  men live.  I hadn't seen Cece in awhile and decided that it was time to make the trek across the valley to spend a Saturday afternoon with her and let our girls hangout together.

We had planned to meet at a park, but when I got up Saturday morning, it was raining.    I called her and we changed our plans.  She actually needed me to pick her up at her husbands work.  He works at a bank, inside of a grocery store. But, not just any grocery store, it just so happens to be a grocery store just down the road from Brian.  In case ya'll don't remember, Brian, he was the first guy I ever used my "What's the difference between a duck?" line on.  And for the record... I only other used that one more time. ( I'm kind of over it by now.)

The wheels in my head started turning... I really wanted to meet Brian in person.  I didn't really want to meet him with my kids around (HA!  Like I have a choice)  ...... but I REALLY wanted to meet him!  I packed the girls in the car, and climbed in the front seat.  I sat there for a minute... my heart was racing...I took a deep breath and picked up my phone and typed out this text.  "I will be at the Fry's on the corner of Something Dr. and Whatever Blvd in just over an hour."   I looked at it, shook my head at myself, at hit send.  Then I backed out of the driveway and hit the road.  I was only driving for a few minutes when I got a response.  I cannot and will not text and drive, so I picked up the phone and called him.

Brain - I thought you didn't want to meet me yet.
Me- I'm just saying that I will be there in a little bit.  Maybe you could just happen to be there too.

I could tell he was hesitant.  He was right, I had told him that I wasn't ready yo meet him yet, but like I said before, I make rules up all the time, and then I brake them.  After I hung up the phone with him, I still wasn't sure if he was going to show up or not.  My nerves were going crazy.  By this point in time, I had already talked to him on the phone almost everyday for several weeks now.  I felt like I really knew him.  On the phone we had so much chemistry, would it be the same in person?

As I exited the freeway, I could feel my heart rate increase and my stomach start to churn.  I pulled into the parking lot and scanned all the cars, looking for his.  I didn't see it.  My heart sank.  Then as I got my girls out of the car, he sent me a text ."Let me know when you get there."  My heart started racing again.  I sent him back a text and let him know that I was already there.  I started getting all giddy, like a school girl.

We walked into the store, I hustled my girls over to the restroom.  I stood and looked at myself in the mirror.  This was so crazy.  It had been over 14 years since  I had worried about meeting a guy.  What if when he saw me, he was disappointed?  What if we had no chemistry in person.  Holy crap!  I have 3 kids with me.  This is not how this was suppose to happen!  I took a deep breath, fixed my lipstick, and pushed my kids out of the restroom, back into the store.  We walked through the store, my eyes kept scanning, looking for him.  I parked us in front of the door, nearest to the bank where Cece's husband worked.  The next few minutes felt like a hour!

I saw his silhouette in the doorway.  I started grinning from ear to ear.  I walked up to him only to see that he was smiling as big as I was.  For a spilt second, I wasn't sure what to do... then I just reached over and hugged him, and hugged him, and hugged him some more.  CRAP!  What were my kids thinking?  I pulled back and smiled at him again.  There was a moment of awkward silence and then with a sly wink,  we both started talking like we were old friends who hadn't seen one another in a long time.  We chatted for a few minutes, the whole time, I couldn't stop smiling at him.  It was kinda fun, we had this little secret. 

Cece showed up and I introduced her to my "old" friend, (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, she knew better...).  She played along and went to go talk with her husband.  Brian and I chatted for a few more minutes.  When the time came for him to leave, I reached over and hugged him again.  This time even longer then the first.  I just couldn't let go (not that he seemed to mind,)  then the worst thing happened.... my 5 year old said "Is he going to be our new daddy?"  OH CRAP!  "NO, NO, NO!" I said, "This is just a friend."  I was so embarrassed.  I looked at him and he was laughing.  "That's so cool!"  he said.  Wow!  He wasn't even freaked out by that.  There was one last quick hug, and then he left.

What I learned-
-While not the norm, a grocery store might actually be a safe place to meet someone I met online.
-DO NOT bring children along to meet someone for the first time.
-Keep some of the excitement to myself.  To much hugging, and I look like an eager beaver!  Just because I haven't been hugged by a man (family and friends, not included,) in over a year, doesn't mean that I need to make up for lost hugs all at once.

On Again... Off Again

I'm sure this comes as no shocker to some of you.... I quit ldslinkup... AGAIN.  There were a few reasons this time. 
-First of all, I totally thought I was getting punked.  I wont tell you all the boring details, but that 26 year old, the one with the "sexy hips" comment, well, I totally thought that somebody made up a profile and was just messing with me.  Which wouldn't surprise me.... I have given out way to many details.  MY BAD!
-Second, the stupid site wouldn't log me out. When I got up this morning, I had an e-mail from a friend who is on the site, that was sent to me in the middle of the night that said... "Go to bed."  Great... now I look like the loser chick who does nothing all day and night, but stalks men on line...... (Keep your comments to yourself!)
-Third, I got tired of men from Nigeria sending me messages.  Everyone of them was the same, "Hi, how are you?"  HELLO!  You are all the way in Nigeria.... I am not looking for a pen pal to teach English to.... I want to date!

So, I deleted the account....(you know I wont stay away for long) but I did end up talking to the guy I thought was punking me.....  and after all the fuss, I actually think he is legit.  He started texting me this afternoon.  I was really hesitant to respond, but, I figured that maybe I could figure out who was screwing with me.   After a bit, he stopped texting, and just called.  I had my whole "freak out moment", but finally answered the phone.
So, we talked.    From what I can tell, this guy actually likes dating older women.  Hmmm, just as I thought...cougar trend.  I do still have my guard up with him.... it could be possible he is looking for a sugar mama... which would mean.... he won't be around for long.    But if anything exciting happens, ya know I will update.  Oh yeah, he will be known from this point on as, Austin.

There was one guy that I made sent one last e-mail to.... That was Ron, (mustache guy).  I sent him a short message telling him that I was deleting my account and if he wanted to meet... this was how he could get a hold of me.  Cross your fingers....cuz, I am.

And my last bit of information I have to share... I finally have the date my divorce will be final.  And it is in about 25 days.  Time to find a real date!

Cover Me In Mustard And Call Me Restless

While I was at church today, I was a little restless.  Usually, I am totally against checking my e-mail or texting while there, but today, I just couldn't help it.  I was waiting for Ron (mustache guy) to e-mail me back. 

See, there have been several guys who talked about meeting me in person, and then when it comes down to making plans to do so, they back out.  So, when Ron said he thought we should meet, I decided to call him out on it.  Right before I got ready for church, I sent him an e-mail and asked him when he wanted to meet.  So of course, I'm trying to concentrait, but just couldn't.
Finally, during Relief Society (the 3rd hour of church, for all my non LDS readers,) I just couldn't wait anymore.  I cleaned off my fingers ,( I had been sneaking peanut butter cups out of my friends purse), and whipped out my phone.  I had to hide my excitement when I saw the red letters reading, new mail.
Normally, I would do a little high pitched scream, or a mini happy dance... but that probably wouldn't go over as well there.  Even though we were discussing devoloping our talents, I could have just claimed that I was so happy to be talking about this topic... but nah.

I opened the mail , and it read, "This week I don't work Tuesday or Wednesday, same thing next week."   And then something happened to me... I started to freak out.  It's to soon!  Why does he want to meet me this soon?  - Wait, I know why he wants to meet me this soon,  I am cute and from what he knows, I am super funny, and also.... I refuse to eat asian food without chopsticks.  So with details like that...(chopstick user being that thing that totally hooked him, right?), of course he wants to meet me.

When I got home, I responded and told him that while I was totally thinking that I wanted to meet him, but I just didn't know enough about him.  Like... how does he feel about Halloween.  That's the important stuff.

When he responded, he told me he really didn't like it.  My heart sank, but, I guess that's not a deal breaker after all, because I just figured I could just convert him.  I told him all about the pumpkin bread ( with lots of nuts) I bake. Pumpkin pancakes with cranberry maple butter that I make on General Conference weekend and of course the jell-o brains that I always serve on Halloween.  I mean, if that doesn't convince a man to like Halloween time ( a hot woman, happily baking in the kitchen was the image I was going for,) then I don't know what would.  And I was good!  I really wanted to mention the slutty Halloween costume that I plan to wear this year to the church Halloween party, but I was good and didn't! Aren't you proud?  Well, I am!

The other information I learned about him was, he likes cheap mustard. 
Back in high school, one of my closest friends loved me because I liked mustard, and I loved her because she liked onions.
                                      (Here's my shout out to Veva!)
So, I guess we could have a lifetime of happy bliss.... covered in mustard.

Here are a few more details that I know about him
He is a pilot for a major airline
He can't use chopsticks
He doesn't know the words to The Humpty Dance
He is 37
and he just posted a picture without his crazy mustache and he is, as I suspected, totally cute.

I am going to let you guys help me with this one...
There will be a survey to the right of the blog.  Please take a quick second to lock in your answer.

Keepers and Creepers

This third time on ldslinkup.com, is turning out to be entertaining then I could have ever hoped for!  Like I said before, I have met a few keepers (so far) but there are definitely a lot more creepers!  (Haha, that's funny how I made that rhyme!)

I have had a lot of "old" men, try to flirt with me.  You probably wonder what I consider old... well so do I.  I guess it changes by their level of hotness.
For example, you remember Campbell, (oh yeah, still have to update you on him,) well he was 43, and super hot, so that equals.... not old.
Now there is another guy, not sure of his real age, but he has gray hair and looks creepy, so he equals....too old!

Well, this time around, I seem to have a lot of younger guys hitting on me.  And I'm not gonna lie, it is totally flattering.  But, let me remind you, I am 33.  So when a 26 year old sends me an e-mail saying,  "You have sexy hips".... I am just not sure what to do with that piece of information.   The only reason I can think he would want to get to know me, is the whole "cougar" trend that is going on right now.  I know I am hot enough to be a cougar ( after 3 hours of make-up and lots of duct tape, that is), but I have 3 kids... I don't need a 4th.  Even though.... he would be more fun to spank.... ooops did I type that?  My bad!  So right now, there is actually 4 or 5 guys, ages 25 - 28 that I am e-mailing.  Oh yeah, and Nate, he is 29.  And the guy I have a date with in 2 months he's 30.  ***  WOW ***  I just read that back to myself.... that's awesome!

I did meet someone on line the other did that is really making me laugh (that's one of my favorite things, ya know).  Let's call him ..... Ron.  As in Ron Swanson, from Parks and Rec. 

No, this is NOT him!  This is Ron Swanson.  But the guy I met on linkup, well  he has a handlebar mustache.

Like this guy...

And , NO, this is not him either.............

But he does live within an hours driving distance and he claims that he did just shave it off, but I don't think that I would mind if he didn't.  Wait.... YES I WOULD.  But, it is what made me notice him.

So, I guess that's all to report for now... gonna check my linkup e-mail one more time and then head to bed.

One Last Hot Daddy Entry

Yesterday was my daughter's kindergarten graduation...... and yes, Hot Daddy was there.

I posted on my Facebook status that I was wanted to talk to him, but was probably going to chicken out.  My friends began to leave comments.  Everyone encouraging me to go talk to him.

There was moments when I actually considered it.  Like when he first got there and we BOTH did double takes at one another, a moment when we passed one another in the aisle... each acknowledging each other with a half smile and a nod.... another when I was in line behind him to pick up my kiddo, and several times when I could see him out of the corner of my eye, looking my way.  But when it came down to it... it would just be weird.
My friends said "Just introduce yourself to him!"
But the thing is.... that wouldn't work.... I mean, what would I say...
"Hi, I'm J's mom.  Remember me?  We use to be friendly, you use to open the door for me, you use to walk across the street with me to get our kids.  But then you stopped and started parking somewhere else.  Do you want to meet for lunch sometime?  Oh yeah, what is your name so I can stop calling you Hot Daddy?  And one more thing, I write a blog, and I happened to mention you in it.... can I take your picture so all my readers can see you?"

I just don't think that would go over very well.

I am going to use this as a learning experience. 
This is what I learned:
-Even though I have 3 kids, I am cute, men will notice me.
-Smiling at a man, is a great way to let him know I am interested.
-Do NOT tell 5 year old that I think someone's dad is hot .... UNLESS, I honestly want her to pass along the information.
-Do NOT let my friends encourage me to take pictures of men, without thier knowledge.  Those same friends, will then turn it around and accuse me of stalking.  YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!  That will not happen again!

What I gained the most from this experience was boost in my self-esteem.  When my ex left me, I felt like my self worth was at a -10.  Hot Daddy  was the first man, that I am aware of, that noticed me, and made sure that I noticed him.  And for that, I will be forever grateful, but now it is time to move on.

Here I go again....

The weekend is over, I didn't have anything funny to blog about.  So guess what I went and did..... for the third time, I joined LDSlinkup.com! Again!  What the heck is wrong with me?  Well, I could tell you what's wrong with me, but I think you are all starting to figure it out for yourselves.

But here's the thing, not all the guys I have met on there are jerks.  There are a few good ones.... one of them even admits to reading my blog.  Haha, this can be good, and bad.  I told him that since he reads it, I will not mention him.... until we go on a date.  And yes, I do have a date scheduled with him.... IN ABOUT 2 MONTHS!  So in a little over 2 months, I will give details of my date with him... GOOD OR BAD!  He knows this, so if he is smart, he will make it a REALLY good date.

Now, I know that while you are all (or at least you all should be) cheering for me to find Mr. Right, you are also looking for a good laugh at my expense. I have learned some lessons along the way, and I am getting better at spotting the red flags, but just as in life, there are sure to be a few who sneak their way past round 1and maybe even round 2, before they show their true colors.  But you better believe, that when they do, I will be back to blog about it!

So now, I just have to wait, up to 72 hours, for some random person to approve my pictures.  Tick tock, tick tock.

Alex, I would like, WHO IS Hot Daddy, for 100 please

Someone recently told me, that when I started dating again, that I would revert back to my old dating habits from the last time I was "dating".  Well, I was 19 when I got engaged, so ummmm, yeah, I'm screwed!  I'm not even dating yet and I get giddy just talking about guys that I hope to be able to meet and maybe date.

Tonight, I was getting ready to make my kids lunches for school tomorrow.  I was going through their backpacks, pulling out all the old paperwork, when I pull out a half sheet of paper from my Kindergartener's bag.
It reads:
We have spent so much time together this year and I know some of you might want to keep in touch over the summer.  This is strictly voluntary.  If you would like to participate, please fill in the information listed below and return by Friday, June 3rd so that I can compile a directory and send out by next week.  Thank you.
Child's Name________________________________
Parent's Name_______________________________
Contact Number(s)___________________________

YES! YES! YES! Sign me up PLEASE! I would like to schedule a play date with...... drumroll please... Hot Daddy! 
No, I am not really going to call him, (mostly because I would clam up and start to stutter, and then giggle and then ...HANG UP!  Which doesn't work very well now a days, with caller ID!)  But of course, it did cross my mind.  But I'm not gonna lie, I am totally excited to find out what Hot Daddy's real name is!  Why?  I don't know.... I just am!

WHAT HAVE I DONE?! (Smashes head into hands and shakes head.)

It's about 11:30 pm.  I had a busy day, but didn't really have anything fun to blog about..... that is until about 15 minutes ago.

*Insert high pitched girl scream here.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So I was on Facebook, not doing much of anything ... kept thinking to myself, I need to shut down the computer and do some reading.  But, I can't even follow my own advice, remember?  So on the right hand side of FB, it sometimes suggest people that you might want to be friends with.  Usually, it's because you have friends in common.  And then, occasionally, there doesn't appear to be a rhyme or reason to why FB is suggesting a friend.  Well, guess who just so happen to pop up, *CAMPBELL!

 *Insert another high pitched girl scream here .... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Here's the thing... I just deleted all his info from my phone a few days ago.  Just so I wouldn't be tempted to start texting him again.  (Along with a few others...)

In case you haven't learned yet.... my mind starts racing like crazy when I'm not sure what to do.
Here is a glimps of what was said in my head:
-WHAT THE!!!!!!!!!!!
-NO WAY! That can't be him!
-It's a sign!
-Stay away!
-Wahoooo! It's fate!
-What should I do?  Can't text him, number is gone.
-I'll send him a message!
-Ahhhhh, what if I send him a message and he wants to be FB friends!  CRAP!  CAN"T 'FRIEND' HIM, HE WILL SEE THE BLOG! AND HIS PICTURE!
(If some entries start disappearing, that could mean that I have 'friended' him.  But, most likely I will not.)
-Awww, he looks so sweet!
-MUST CALL JEN!
And that was all in a matter of 5 seconds.

So, I sent Jen a text to see if she was still up. (Jen is my voice of reason, when I have none.)  She was.  Of course she was, it's still before 2:00 am.  So I called her and told her what just happened.  The only thing I really remember her saying to me was ,"Now, just because this happened, doesn't mean your're gonna marry him."  Or something like that.  And I said something like, "No, I'm just gonna date him."

So, of course, I sent him a quick little message to him, telling him how funny it was that FB suggested we be friends.
NOW,  He just might think I am a stalker and looked up every *Campbell on Facebook, or.... I am guessing, I will wake up tomorrow with a text message asking for a picture of me in my yoga pants again. 
WHAT HAVE I DONE?! (Smashes head into hands and shakes head.)

Red T-Shirt = HOT

I have been making "lists", some mental and some that I actually write down, of what I want in a husband.  I even sat down with my girls one night, and I had them tell me qualities that they want someone I date to have.  That list is somewhere in a box.... (lots of those around since the move). It is the cutest list of 25 or so things, one of which includes, -HE MUST SHAKE HIS BUTT!  If I ever unpack, I will share it with ya'll. 

One thing that made that made my list (mental) and also made my girls list, is -I MUST BE ATTRACTED TO HIM.  (Ummmm, duh, but I did think it was nice of my girls to consider that.)

So I have been going back over, in my mind,  what I am attracted to.  Let me just say, I do NOT have a set type.  And some of you are going to find some of the things I find attractive.... ummm, strange.  Two of my friends have already made fun of me today for the next thing I am going to tell you.


THE HOT OUTFIT- Now, what I find "hot" and what you find "hot" are probably totally different.  But, here is one of my favorite hot outfits.
Red T-shirt (not to baggy) Jeans, and Thongs.  (And NO, I do not mean "up your butt thongs")

And the other thing that I totally can't resist, is a guy in a zip up hoodie sweatshirt.!

Preferably, a surf or skater brand one.
Now, I know this may sound crazy to some of you... but it's just something that I find irresistible.  Just the way some men like women in high heels, and short skirts.... I love me man in those casual items.  Maybe it's the "California Girl" in me... but that's just me.

 Now don't get me wrong, I have been known to check out all types, surfer, skater, prep, wanna be hippie, business man, hunter, sports fanatic, computer geek, and I even have a cousin in Texas on the lookout for a single, sexy, cowboy for me.  The type I guy that I ultimately end up with is not important.  Honestly what matters is that he treats me (and my daughters) well.  But I'm not gonna lie, it sure wouldn't hurt if he was wearing my favorite outfit.

Oh yeah, one more thing, I saw Hot Daddy this morning when I dropped the girls off at school.  Guess what he was wearing!  HmmmmMmmmm!  (Minus the hoodie, this is Arizona, ya know!)

Part 2, Of My Mom Said "Be Careful, He's Cute."

So I left off, promising to report back.  Well, last night I did not respond!  I can hear you all cheering!  I even think there was one "You go girl!", followed by a head roll and a snap.  So I am sure you are all wondering, where does that leave us now...  Oh, but I said "last night".  There is more to this story ..... there always is, haven't you learned yet?   (Heaven knows I sure haven't learned yet.)
I woke up this morning.. and of course, I had to check my phone.... just in case. There was nothing.  Now remember, I thought I had called him out... and THEN he was the one who sent me a message that said .... "I want to be married."  

 Somebody, please tell me what the heck is going on!  I am so confused!  I put on my usual 'drop the kids off at school outfit,' yoga pants and a fitted V-neck. (what?  I have to look cute in case I see 'Hot Daddy'.  Oh wait, I haven't told you my 'Hot Daddy' story yet.  That's a good one, the first guy to actually flirt with me, but that will have to wait.)  I get the kids in the car, and notice that I have a text.  I check to see who it's from, Campbell!   It reads "And have fun along the way .... So both!" 
  I just started laughing out loud!  This guy is such a jerk.  The great thing about texting... I can take my time to respond (or not),  and come up with the perfect come back!  So I thought, and thought, and thought some more.  I came up with some really good ones.  They all had everything to do with, it's his loss, because someday, when I am married again, I will make my husband sooooooooooo happy....... and how I am worth the wait... and  other stuff.  I went for a run/walk , the more I thought about it, the harder  and faster I pushed myself.  And the decision I finally made, just not to respond.  That just felt right.  I hear you all cheering again....wait, hold applause please...  because at 2:40, I get another text!    "Did that scare you away?" 

Well you know me by now, I don't even follow my own rules...  "LOL, I'm not scared, I just figured since I wasn't going to tell you what you wanted to hear, then you didn't want to hear from me at all."  We went back and forth for a lil bit, and then the conversation got nice, and flirty , but on the light side.  WAIT, WHAT?  How did that happen, I told you guys... he is smooth, this one.

Relearning To Flirt and HOT DADDY

Back in 2000, after I had been married for about 2 years, I realized that I had forgotten how to flirt.  We were down in San Felipe, Mexico for a week with family.  I was down at the beach, just putting my feet in the ocean, when a jeep full of guys came driving up.  They were about 50 so feet away.  They yelled for me to come over to them.  Now, normally, I would have been excited, gone over to them and flirted, and of course, there would have been nothing wrong with going over there and saying hi, but I didn't.  Instead, I froze!  My mind started racing "I'm married!  I can't go over there, I'm married!"  So , instead of of walking over there and having a friendly conversation, I turned around and ran into the ocean.   The guys started yelling crude names at me, and drove away.  Over the years, it didn't get much better, if a cute guy so much as flashed me a smile, I wouldn't even look at him.  I had completely lost "my flirt".

I have realized that I am going to have to start flirting again.  That is where HOT DADDY comes in.  Hot Daddy is the father of a little boy in one of my daughters classes.  One day I thought to myself, "I would like someone to flirt with."  And then I noticed, Hot Daddy.  He is one of those guys that knows he is good looking, you can tell it by the way he walks.  One day, after school,  I was holding my daughter's hand as we crossed the street to go to the car.  I knew that Hot Daddy was walking behind us.  I heard him say to his son, "What's that little girls name."  I heard him respond with my daughters name, I turned around and smiled at him.  He smiled back.  (See now, that wasn't so hard.) 

The next day, when I got to the school to pick up the girls, I waited until I saw his silver mini van (not so hot), drive up and park.  Then I got out and headed across the street.  I could hear him walk fast behind me, and then slow down as he caught up with me, so that we were walking side by side.  I was pushing my youngest in a stroller, and there were a lot of kids blocking the sidewalk.  He said to me, "Let me clear the way for you.", and then he start moving kids out of the way, as if parting the red sea, to make room for the stroller.  I thanked him, and he said, "See, we make a good team."  Oh crap, I totally started freaking out on the inside..... how do I respond to that?  Quick! Think of something clever and witty to say, but all that came out was, "Yes we do." I guess that wasn't the worst thing I could say, I just knew that if I was better prepared I could have come up with a much better response.

Every day after that, I would wait in the car, until he drove up, and then get out and head across the  street.  He would walk fast to catch up, and then walk next to me.  We would small talk and he would open the door for me.  It was fun.  I had no intention of things ever going any where with him.  It was just, after years of being really down on myself and feeling unattractive, it felt good to have a man notice me.

Then there was a brief moment in time when my ex led me to believe that he wanted to get back together. (Which lasted about 3 minutes,)  So I put back on my wedding ring.  I was walking to my daughters class, and Hot Daddy was walking next to me, and the sun was shining in my eyes.  I put my hand up, to cover my eyes from the glare, and he must have noticed my ring, because he took off.  He stopped walking with me, even started parking in a different parking lot.  It has been 5 months, and he still wont even say "hi" to me.  Of course he did the right, thing, but it's not like there was ever anything even between us.  Really, our small talk wasn't anything different then I have with other moms at the school, while we wait for our kids to come out of class.

So, you are probably wondering why I bring up Hot Daddy, if that is all there is to the story.  Well, my mom was in town the other day, to help me unpack.  She went with me to pick up the girls from school.  Walking out of the building, she almost ran into Hot Daddy.  I said "Mom, that was Hot Daddy."  She said that he didn't look like she expected him to look.  But I said to her, "But you noticed him."  He may not be the "type" I normally would go for, but he does not go unnoticed.  My daughter heard me talking about Hot Daddy and wanted to know who I was talking about.  I told her that Gabe's dad was hot.

The next day, driving home from school, she said "I told Gabe that you think his dad is hot."  Oops!  Do not tell 5 year olds things that you do not want repeated.  So if anything comes of this, I will let you know.

I did happen to notice a Hot Daddy #2, the other day, and I think I caught him checking me out.  My kids have 3 weeks left of school, maybe I will get to practice flirting some more.  We shall see!

Rumor has it you missed me

I know I have left you hanging.  And I would like to tell you I am sorry, but... I'm not.  The past week-ish or so, has been cRaZy!   I'm not sure where to begin, so how about, not from the beginning.

How about an update on Campbell (that's why Campbell's soup is ummmm, ummmm good,) - Finally ditched him... well actually he gave up (which is what I wanted) when I wouldn't send him a picture of me in yoga pants or a swimsuit.  I get it, YES I look cute in yoga pants (or at least my butt sure does!) but it got really annoying when I woke up every morning to a text that said only, "YOGA PANTS?"  To which I would respond, "Yea, I'll get right on that." 

I hope you can hear the sarcasm in my voice as you read that last bit, and see my eyes roll.  Because, boy, he sure couldn't.  But I guess you can't blame him, he's all the way in another state, doesn't get to check out my cute butt from behind.  I mean, I even check it out in the mirror every morning,  with my yoga pants on... mostly I check to make sure it's still cute.. some mornings I'm like, YEP, and other mornings, I think to myself  "TIME TO START RUNNING STAIRS AGAIN!"

Next update - HOUSE-  Let's see, I think I mentioned that it sold on the 2nd.    Then I got 2 notices to get immediately.  Then about 1 week later, I got a summons! I was being sued for still being in the house!  YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!  So, for a brief moment, I panicked!   I called my attorney (WONDERFUL MAN), and let him know what was going on.  I called a few friends, let them know.  At some point, I got on my knees and prayed.  I have had faith all along that Heavenly Father would take care of me ... and my 3 babies.  I didn't know how, when or in what way, but, I KNEW he would.

And he did.

Sunday, I walked into church and my friend Jen, hurried over to me.  She told me that the Bishop and the members of the bishopric were extremely concerned that I would be locked out of my home.  They were arranging to have people come move me out of my house that very evening.  All, during church, it was hard to concentrate.  I had so many emotions running through my head, scared, nervous, panic, urgency, but most of all, humbled.  After church, friends just started showing up and said, "What can I do, what should I pack?"  I was kind of a wreck, so I put Jen in charge.  And took charge she did, (she is amazing that way).  Then, later that evening, after seminary graduation, tons more people started showing up.  I wouldn't hesitate to say, maybe even 60 people, were there removing every last item from my home.  I have never felt more loved or blessed!  Later that night, I thought that I would be crying because of losing my home, but NO, I cried because I could feel our Savior's love.  I felt it from the loving service that was given to my family that day. 
Monday, around 1:30 pm -ish, I was driving by the house, I saw a truck in the driveway.  I stopped and talked to the guy peeking in the windows.  He was there to change the locks.  As I drove away, I said of prayer of thanks.  I am so grateful for those who listened to the promptings of the Holy Ghost and then quickly acted on them.

Next- living situation-   Another prayer answered.  A family in my ward, are "snowbirds".  Mary, wanted someone living in her house while she went back to Washington for the summer.  She mentioned it to someone, who then told me.  I was stubborn, and wanted to go straight into my own place.  But the timing just isn't right for that to happen right now.  Friday, I called her and asked if moving in for the time she was away was actually an option. 
Let me just say, there could not be a more loving, generous, sweet and incredibly adorable woman.  (Haven't met her hubby yet, but I am sure he must be the same).  Mary welcomed my 3 daughters and me into her home with loving arms.  We practically took over the whole upstairs.  I have never felt more comfortable in someones home that wasn't family.  I feel like she is family,and I have only been here 4 nights.  And to be honest, I don't want her to go back to Washington, and neither do my girls.

Next- Getting sued- Tuesday, my attorney called and told me he got the charges dismissed!  I was suppose to be in court on Wednesday!  I couldn't believe it.  Another blessing!

I promise to get back to the hijinks's of my quest to find a man, and there are many more to come, but I couldn't feel good about myself if I didn't share how truly blessed I feel with you.  And now, it's really late, or very early, depends on how you look at it.  So I am off, like a heard of turtles!

My Mom Said "Becareful, He's Cute."

Remember I was going "shopping" on Friday night.... well, it's already time to return the tool, he's defective!

Saturday, actually I met the most charming, smooth talking (I should of known...) guy on line.
His screen name was ... imwaiting4u...  and with that dreamy, pearly white smile, it made me say "Oh and am I ever waiting for you!"

On ldslinkup.com, you can check out a persons profile page.  If you want, you can send them an e-mail, or not... but here's the kicker, unless you pay for the upgraded service, people can check to see who has looked at their profile.  This can be good and bad.  It can be good, when you want someone to notice you.  It will let them know,1 time per day if you checked their profile.  So if you want someone to notice you and you are the type of person who doesn't want to send an e-mail first, you could check it say, everyday for a week, and they would notice that you are stalking them.  Hopefully they get the hint, before that though.  It can also be bad, because, sometimes a person profile picture is small and hard to see, and then you check their profile and BAM, there's Grandpa Joe, missing his tooth smiling at you.  Then he checks to see who was viewing him, and he gets all excited, and sends you an e-mail asking about the history of your town! (TRUE STORY!)


So that is how I met imwaiting4u, let's call this one... Campbell.  Let me just say, he is SMOOTH! I checked him out first.  He lives in Utah (beginning to think all the bad boys live there.)  He is 43, (OK that is so out of the range that I wanted to date, but wait til you see him, not the average 43 year old, at least not that I have met).  So he sends an e-mail.   He has his intro down perfect!  I am guessing, he has it on file and just copies and pastes it all day long. 

Some guys just write, "Hi, I'm Tom.  You're pretty. How are you doing?"  To which I reply "Thank you. I'm good."    Well, you ALL know that I can do a lot better than that!  But if a guy is going to keep up with me... he must be a talker!  So to the guys who at least tried a little, I will respond a little.


He starts by saying, "I'm sure you've heard them all before, You're Beautiful, You're my next girlfriend,", (and some other cheesy pick up lines I don't remember), and then he just starts bragging about himself.  He was tall, 6'4, great at conversation, I don't remember it all.  All I know is he caught my attention, in a big way. 

So I responded back, letting him know that I that I liked that he actually had something to say.  So we e-mailed back and forth all night.  Then before the night was over he asked for my phone number... Um, haven't we been down this road before? 

I told him I was hesitant to give it to him.  Seems like, more times then not, the conversation starts out nice, friendly , safe.  Then as soon as they get your number to text you, (NOT ALL OF THEM, BUT A LOT,) feel like it's OK to turn the conversation dirty.  He agreed that he had heard stories about stuff like that, and that most guys are pervs!  He told me to do what ever made me comfortable.  (Awwww, how sweet, right?  No! I'm a sucka!)  So I gave it to him.  The next day, he still responded by e-mail.  I responded back, reminding him that I already gave him my number, and I ever said in that e-mail, "Here's to learning my lesson the hard way."  
So, Sunday was good.  Felt like I got to know him.  Talked about his kids, a little bit about his job.
Monday, more of the same.  I also spent A LOT of time packing... while texting.  Conversation got more flirty, but I was good ( I put a new patch in my filter).
Tuesday, conversation got much more flirty.  He was definitely seeing how far he could take things.... I would respond with, "Nice try, buddy."
Finally he realized he wasn't going to get what he wanted out of me.  And he had the nerve to say that if I was just a prude looking for a Peter Priesthood (a letter of the law type of guy, for you non-LDS readers) that he didn't want to waste  my time.   A few angry texts from me later... I figured it was over, and of course that is fine with me.  I mean, what's the point.  The last text I sent said "Are you actually looking to get married again in the future or are you just looking to have fun?" 

That was it.  I knew calling him out, would finally end the conversation.  I called my girlfriend to vent.  I made her promise not to say, "I told you so."  So agreed.  I deleted my profile on ldslinkup, for the 2nd time. That's right ladies, I said 2nd time.  I will never return to online dating sites (at least not for another week or so.... just kidding.)  I learned my lesson the hard way.

So this is where this story ends... wait, no it doesn't.  Because one hour later... I received this text from him.  "I want to be married."
For tonight I am done.  I will not respond!  I want to say that I will not respond tomorrow.... I know many of you will be shouting at your computer screens saying "DORKY GIRL, DON'T DO IT!"  I am telling myself that very thing! 
I sit here, laughing at my sorry self.... it's 2:00 am.  But I had to share.  I will not make any promises about what I will or will not do, only that, I will report back!

 





Getting My Back Up Plan In Line

It's just another lonely Friday evening, for pathetic old me.  It's not even 9:30pm yet, and my eyes are getting heavy.  I remember the days when I was still getting ready to go out at 9:30. (sigh)

I have decided that the day my divorce is final, I will be going on a date.  There are several problems with this:
- I don not know what that date is....
and
- The guy, I want to date, well he is Mr. social.  He is never not busy.  He is always out with friends, or on a date.  It was driving me crazy that I couldn't date him yet, because I just KNOW that once he dates me, he wont want to date anyone else. (Bahahahahaha)  But all these girls would comment on his Facebook profile, about wanting to be his date. and I would check them out and get mad.   (Can you say... psycho, yes me).  So I kind of cut him off, I dropped him as a FB friend and asked him to not text, and I would let him know when I could date.  But, I can't even follow my own rules, maybe once a week, I still send him a text, just a quick one, so he will know I am still interested. So, my dilemma is, just in case he's not around (or got tired of waiting, and I wouldn't blame him) I need to line up some more potential dates.

Here is my fear...  like most Mormon girls, I wasn't aloud to date until I was 16. (Oh, but I almost always had a boyfriend, from the time I was 12.  I just didn't go on a 'date' with them.  hehehe)  One of my really good friends, (actually my first kiss from when I was 12,) had said for years that he was going to take me on my first date when I turned 16.  So, that date rolled around, we had been talking about it for weeks.  At school that morning, I remember him telling me he was gonna pick me up.  So that night, I remember brushing my teeth, I had my braces taken off that day, and couldn't stop staring at my teeth.  I was excited... I was going on a real date!  We were just friends, and I knew we would just have fun and laugh all night.  Well, that jerk never showed up.  Never called!  I cried in my room for the rest of the night. 

I don't want to relive this event all over... I haven't dated in years (even when I was married, we never went out) so I am totally excited (and super nervous) for the day that I can date again, and don't want to end up crying all night because I didn't go on a date, even if it is just a friend.   And I know myself way to well.  So I feel like I need several backup men in line... just in case BR turns out to be just like that other guy who shall remain nameless, since I know a lot of you who read this blog know who he is.

So , this Friday night, I shall head back over the online dating scene, to see who else is online and not on a date , on a weekend night.

Time to shop!

The *Josh story

I am still waiting to find out more about the house and divorce.... Did I mention, I hate not knowing what's going on, anyway, since there is nothing I can do (well, maybe I should be packing, but...nah), I distract myself with.... boys.  OH WAIT... I am not 16 anymore, I guess they are called men now.  But I am being reminded quickly that they still act like boys.  (I know you are all saying, AMEN, to that!)

Like I said before... I jump around....
The second time I heard from *Josh, (hot, hard body in Utah, with no brains), it was about 11:00 pm, a few nights after the first time we text.  It went like this...
*J- I'm on my way home

I looked at my phone.... totally confused.... did he have any clue who he was texting?  I think I remember throwing my arms up in the air and saying out loud,,"What the hell."  I stared at my phone, how was I suppose to respond to that?

ME- From where?
*J- Gym
ME- Of course
*J -lol
And then that was it.  Is anyone else as confused as I am about this.  Maybe he thought he was texting someone else, was my thought, but I actually do believe that this guy is just an idiot, (with a hot body).  The reason, I think this... every 3rd night or so, for about a month, *Josh pops up on my phone.  And we text for about 2 minutes and then he's gone.  I told some people about him, they suggested blocking him, but he hasn't done anything wrong and here's the thing...  once I put my kids to bed at night, I am bored out of my mind!  I have to stay with my kids , so I can't leave, all my friends are married and have their own families to take care of.  So , YES, I know it is sad and pathetic, but for now, texting and e-mailing is kind of my only night time social life. 

Then there was this one on a Sunday afternoon-
*J- Sup
Me- not much, I'm camping
*J- That's cool
And... that's all folks.  But by then, I already had somebody that I actually enjoyed texting, (I just smiled thinking about him, hehe).  So I thought, he probably won't text anymore... but 3 nights later... as if on schedule-

*J-Sup
ME- You keep coming back, I still don't have any topless pics for you.
*J- I never asked you for a topless pic, I am beginning to think you are retarded
ME- WOW!

I knew for sure that this was the last time I would hear from him.... but NO!  3 nights later-
*J-Hi
ME- I thought you thought I was retarded.
*J- lol

And then, yes, that was the last time.... well not really.  I was bored the other night (about 2 or 3 weeks later), so I thought, what the heck... I wonder what would happen, let's see...
ME- I haven't heard from you in a while.  I'm not really retarded, just messing with ya.
2 hours later
*J- lol

Ya know just for the sake of some good blogging, I just might text him again... it's only 11:00pm.  I have to think of something good.  I think his head might pop off if I try the 'duck' comment.  I'll let you know.

Stay tuned.... more info to follow.... i guess

Just got a certified letter telling me to vacate immediately.   This really isn't going how I planned. 
Waiting to hear back from my attorney, so of course... I just thought I would blog...  should I start packing more stuff.... bahahahahaha, so I can take it where?

My Face Hurts

Let me just say... I love all the support I am receiving.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Just so you know though, I don't want anyone to feel bad for me.  I am fine!  I am in a good place now and have moved on.  Unfortunately, I will always have to deal with Knucklehead.  I use laughter to get through my trials.  I poke fun at myself.  For example, last night, I cried so hard, that my face hurt.  I couldn't go to sleep because my face hurt.... how stupid is that?  But I find that totally funny.  I broke down for a brief little bit, expressed my concerns to Heavenly Father, and then I wanted to go to sleep.... but I just couldn't, because my face hurt so stinking bad!  I am laughing right now as I think about it.

I promise this will not turn into a bitter, angry divorced mom blog.... that is not what I would want to read, or would I expect anyone else to want to read it.  So my goal over the next few days, is to find more "funny".  Even if it comes at the expense of me looking ridiculous.  And one more thing... it is OK to laugh at me.  My friend, Jen, does all the time.  I go to her when I need to vent, and she just sits there, listens and laughs at me.  And guess what, that makes me feel better.  So feel free to do the same.

Ironic

Warning-  The last word in this blog is a swear word.

So, this entry promises to be less upbeat, a little sad and maybe even ironic.

Today, May 2, should have been my 13 year wedding anniversary, well, actually, since my divorce isn't final, I guess it still is.  But, I will only ever say that I was married for 12 years.  Anyway... today started out great.  I had tons of energy, so I cleaned (yes, today was a 2 Healthytrim day,) and danced the whole time I was cleaning.   Even the part where I found out that my 3 year old let in the neighbors while I was in the shower, with the bedroom door open part, was funny to me today.  I got my new shooting shirt in the mail today, WAHOOOO! 

I never killed anyone that didn't need killing - Porter Rockwell

After I tried my new shirt on, I went on-line to check (for the 20th time today) to see if my house had sold at auction.... and it had.  I knew this day was coming... but since it kept getting bumped up every month, I was hoping it would get bumped up a few more.  I had been telling myself, that there was no way our house would sell on what was suppose to be our anniversary.    20 minutes after I found that out, there was a knock at the door.  OH CRAP, already?  YEP.  Some guy was standing at the door, I opened it, and he handed me a business card.  He told me what I already knew and asked me what my plan was.  I said, "What are my options?"  He just stared at me.  Told me to think about what I wanted to do and call him tomorrow.  I asked him if the company offered cash for keys, and he said no.  He told me that they had an eviction attorney, and as soon as that was started, I would have 2 to 3 weeks to get out.  I think he was bluffing, but I am still freaking out!
So, that's my drama for now.  Knucklehead doesn't seem to be very worried.  He has his living situation all figured out.  I wasn't going to use this blog to complain about him, but I just have to share this.  His solution... "can't you ask your grandma to buy a house and rent it to you?  That would be ideal."   I will spare you the foul language that is running thru my head right now.  I'm sure you can imagine.

I'm so excited, my shooting shirt came today.  Time to put it on and shoot some shit!